no. 7 - finding beauty in everything

I hate that our culture limits the word "soulmate" to an exclusively romantic context. I'm a firm believer that soulmates can come in a variety of shapes and sizes in this very complex life, many of them very unromantic. Elise Heuberger is one of the biggest reasons I've crafted this soulmate theory. She's one of the most hard-working, hilarious, emotionally intelligent humans I've ever met. Knowing her makes me want to live more fully, because she clearly derives so much joy from every single thing she does. Due to a shared love of words, we had our Kindred Conversation while wandering McKay Bookstore and grabbing coffee at the nearby Whole Foods. I'm so excited I get to share some deeper insight into one of the most lovely humans to walk the planet.

Tell me about yourself and what you’re all about.

I am attracted to anything that is beautiful (which is why I love you, Kelsey!) This includes people (hi Mom, hi Dad, hi Matt) as well as words (my favorite is “ethereal”), peonies, pianos, swing dancing, Indian food, modern art (Kandinsky), modern literature (Woolf), and my cat Dietrich, who has a beautiful name. I also believe in beautiful ideas, like justice and service, which is why I am pursuing a career in law.  

Why is beauty important to the human experience?

Personally, it's an aesthetic thing. Whenever I see something beautiful - especially nature - I get the feeling of being overwhelmed. Sometimes I'll get teary eyed if I see or hear something pretty. It's like being connected when I'm in nature. It's like God created this beautiful thing and I'm being drawn in to the Earth and his creation. And when I see other people that are creating beauty or being beautiful in their own way, it's like they're allowing me to become more connected to them. People think that I get emotional about beauty because I'm a girl, but I don't know if that's true. I just feel a deeper connection to nature or anything that's trying to express our humanity. 

What's your favorite thing about being an emotional person?

I think when you're an emotional person, you have a really good intuition. My mom always tells me I have a very high emotional intelligence - there's an EQ the same way there's an IQ. When you're really in touch with your own emotions, you can read them on others really easily. I feel like that's how I get along with people and understand them. I usually know how most people are feeling, what they're thinking - and that's a direct result of being an emotional person. I legitimately have empathy - not just in my mind, but in my body. When I see someone in pain, my legs literally start to ache. I could never be a doctor or nurse!

In what setting do you feel the most naturally yourself?

By the water. My friends and family would agree that I am guilty of becoming pool-crazy during the summers. Most recently, I spent the entire month of May searching for a pool to call my own, and when I daydream, I imagine myself as a pirate (think Pirates of Caribbean, not Somalia). But honestly, it’s the ocean that draws me in. The last time I was at the beach, I literally dropped to my knees to praise the majesty of Mother Ocean. When God created me, He must have tethered my heartbeat to the tides and fastened my soul to the currents, because I feel most at home near the sea. 

What about the ocean draws you in?
I've been going to the beach since two months after I was born. I've heard that when people are grieving or anxious or stressed, the water is the most calming place for them. It's a place of healing for a lot of people. I find it's very peaceful because it makes me think I'm very small, and it's such a big, wide world out there. My favorite thing to do its get a pair of binoculars and look out at the ocean as far as I can to the horizon, and I just love that you can't see land. It makes me feel very protected, but also it's very scary.

If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Give me your definition of the word “fulfillment.” What does it mean and what does it look like in your own life?

The word is “timshel.” It’s a Hebrew word that John Steinbeck best explains in East of Eden (disclaimer: I’m not a Steinbeck fan. I think Grapes of Wrath has an atrocious ending; however, the man did give me “timshel,” so I owe him some props). “Timshel” means “thou mayest.” Not “thou must” or “thou can,” but “thou may.” In the Bible, Steinbeck explains, God told men “timshel”—you may choose. The “may” gives us a choice between good and evil.

So we go through life with all these choices. Choose to be optimistic or choose to be pessimistic. Choose to be humane or choose to be cruel. Choose to be giving or choose to be withholding. Choose to love or choose to hate.

A close friend has told me that she wants her life to be infinite, which I understand to mean that her personal fulfillment means leaving a positive and lasting impact on the world. She wants to be a doctor; I want to be a lawyer, and a certain type of fulfillment (healing people, fighting for justice) naturally flows from those roles. However, real fulfillment for me isn’t academic or professional, but relational—getting to know people intimately, touching their souls with your own soul, if you will. This is more than just helping people or being kind to them. This requires making affirmative choices about the way that we care for someone else’s soul.

I’m only 23 but I already know that the human soul is not immune to fragility. God gives us freedom when He gives us choices over our actions, and a fulfilling lifestyle is one that honors the sacredness of our own souls by choosing to nurture instead of demean; choosing to welcome instead of reject; choosing to bless instead of to curse. As John Donne said, “no man is an island, entire of itself: every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” I think it’s possible to achieve a certain infiniteness—fulfillment—if we choose to take care of one another. 

How do you apply your definition of fulfillment to every day life?

I haven't done a good job of it recently, so it's hard for me to speak to that. I've been focusing on myself, my education and staying afloat, and I've put others on the back burner. But if you live by yourself and don't try to form relationships with other people, then you're extracting yourself from the world. You're extracting yourself from the possibility of becoming a memory for someone, or having a positive impact on someone, which could impact the whole world. By restricting yourself so much, you restrict the human experience and all our interconnectedness. I'm all about seeing the world as this interconnected place. 

Isn't it so beautiful to think everything is connected? Working on this post made me feel so grateful for the lives and experiences that have touched mine. Recently, I've been thinking more about what's truly essential in my life, and relationships are at the top of the list. In the end, people will remember how you made them feel, and I want to make them feel so much warmth. It's very grounding to be reminded of that. 

As you might know, I'm living in Boston now - which makes this project a little harder to conduct, since I know virtually no one in this city! However, I've been scribbling furiously in my journals about fulfillment for the entire year, so I may be sorting through those notes to create a few posts in this space.

If you know someone in the Boston area that might like to have a Kindred Conversation, or if YOU want to have one on my next trip to Knoxville, just fill out the contact form on the left side of this blog. Thank you for reading, beautiful friends!