Monday, July 13, 2015

no. 6 - you feel fantastically

One of the best compliments I’ve ever received is “you feel fantastically.” I’ve always treasured those words because I think that our ability to create is strongly linked to our ability to feel. That sentiment is at the heart of my conversation with Kelsey Keny, who shares my name, my passion for channeling personal experience into art, and my ability to chat at length about the greatest works of Taylor Swift. Upon meeting me, she immediately told me that she loved me, and I knew without hesitation that I loved her too - how could I not? She exudes joy in its purest form, the kind that instantly makes you breathe more easily. Perhaps best known for her time spent as Student Body President of UTK, not many know that Kelsey is also an avid songwriter, an outlet that helps her process life and its intense highs and lows. On a warm July day, we sneaked into a practice room in UT’s Music Building, where she gave me a private concert. Her songs are indeed Swift-esque in that they just house so much genuine emotion, and I instantly fell in love with Kelsey's willingness to be vulnerable. In between songs, she opened up about her songwriting, the importance of feeling small, and her abundant passion for people:





When do you feel the most naturally yourself?
Laughing. Really laughing. Or, when I’m listening to or performing music that has a “magic chord.” That’s just a personal term I use for when a song has this cathartic moment that’s so amazingly written and the chord just swells and hits you right in the heart and you close your eyes and connect and somehow you're holding on and letting go at the same time and it’s everything.


Tell me about yourself and what you’re all about.
I feel a lot. And I feel strongly. As in, when I feel something, I feel it big-time. Because I really give myself to the people and experiences that are part of my life. It's incredibly rewarding, because that means I get the most out of life. Like, when something is wonderful I get so much joy or excitement or happiness....on the flip-side, it's difficult because when something is bad, I get a great deal of heartbreak or sadness. It's probably why I'm pretty bad at getting over things, getting past situations that hurt my heart. Probably my favorite quote of all time is from Jack Kerouac's On the Road: "The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." I saw that quote on a greeting card in a store once, and I felt like finally I had identified who I was. I'm mad, I'm crazy. I feel a lot because I invest in things I’m passionate about. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I like getting the most of every feeling—whether joy or sadness. That sounds like the only way to truly do this (this, as in 'life').

I’m all about stories. Reading them, writing them, hearing, collecting, sharing them. People need stories. They’re how we learn, grow, and relate to the world around us. I’m always viewing life like it’s a story unfolding. But I’ve learned it’s crucial to remember it’s not my story—that there are billions of other perspectives and points of view all around me that make up life.




What legacy would you like to leave behind as you move forward in life?
I want to care about people. I want to be someone who invests in others. In learning others’ stories. In helping anyone to feel his or her sense of worth, whether it’s from a short exchange of greetings or an extended opportunity getting to know them. I know I talk a lot about feelings, but I also know that love is more than a feeling. Love is a verb. Love is intentional. Love is something we choose to do and choose to give. I want to be intentional with people and love like Jesus. I want to be someone people know they can relate to and count on, whether that’s just to grab milkshakes and listen in a difficult time or to help with some crazy dream of theirs.

Where does your passion for people stem from?
I’ve always been a people person. But when I was considering fulfillment and what that meant, I kept going back to the fact it has to do with other people and being there for them. I’ve learned that every person has a story, and it’s just about taking the time to sit down and listen to them. It’s funny, because I’m a friendly introvert, so I rely on personal time and I like to be alone. But without others, is it worth it? People are just what make everything worth it. I get joy from others and their experiences and how we connect with one another. We should all have each other’s backs and support each other. We’re all we’ve got.





Why did you choose this particular activity for the Kindred Conversations project?
As someone who sings and writes and has a lot of feelings, I've been trying to write songs for a while. When I was younger, I'd write a chorus-here or a verse-there, but I could never form an entire song about anything. So mostly I would just stick to singing real songs from real musicians...but then finally last summer, I was just really needing to express some heart-stuff musically, and singing other people's words wasn't enough anymore. I kept playing some notes and melodies and mumbling out some emotions and lyric ideas...and before too long, I had a song. It was a super rough-cut, I was improv-ing most of the piano, and it had a lot going on...but it was my song. And it felt amazing. So I kept going with it. I've written songs about joyful moments and heartbreaking ones. Even if it's just me singing alone in my room, it's a really special way to express things that are too much to hold inside. I'm not a legit musician or songwriter, but it's become another means of journaling for me. And it's so fun. When you're writing/singing and you get something just right--like the combination of a phrase with the right notes...it strikes a chord in your heart, pun intended, every single time.

So I picked this because it's probably my favorite thing to do. It's also something I've only ever done for like, 3 other people. I don't know if anyone else knows I do this. But I think vulnerable expression is a good thing, and the best part of any music is sharing it.

How did you choose which songs to play for me today?
When I was trying to figure out a “set list” for today, there were some that really capture feelings that I needed to get out. Sometimes you write a song and you’re happy when you’re like, “I’ve said what I needed to say with this piece.” I think the ones from today are those songs. They encompass the feeling and emotion I needed them to encompass. Every time I play or sing them, no matter how old they become, that feeling is just as powerful. I’m proud of them for that. It’s awesome to put those feelings into music because it’s such a vital part of my life.

If you had to choose a song to represent this season of your life, what would it be and why?
I use this one at different points in my life. If I had a soundtrack to my life, this one would be on it. “Just Around the Riverbend” from Pocahontas. I love the first line, “What I love most about rivers is you can’t step in the same river twice.” I’m in a very transitional point of my life -  I don’t even know where I’m going or what I’m doing in the next season. I have a lot of uncertainties, and there are a lot of scary moments that come along with it. But at the same time, I have a lot of dreams that extend just around the riverbend, and I’m excited to see what’s up ahead. This season of life has a lot of changes and transitions, and I’m looking to do something new. To step in a new river. The unknown is terrifying, but that’s where all the best things in life come from.





Give me your definition of the word “fulfillment.” What does it mean and what does it look like in your own life?
I can’t shake true fulfillment apart from Jesus. I think what fulfillment looks like is different for each individual, based on his or her relationship with Christ. But I think for everyone it comes with humbling yourself and submitting to a Plan that is greater than any one we come up with ourselves. I think fulfillment means taking up your cross and asking for His guidance instead of depending on your own. I used to try to fit God into my plans, until I realized my plans are broken, I am broken…but I can find fulfillment through Him because his grace is so, so good. And that’s not as easy as it sounds…because I’m a selfish being—who wants earthly things. But I’m inspired by the fulfillment Christ gives because of how small He makes me feel. Which sounds kind of backwards, but I love being humbled by God and being reminded that I, and everything around me, am just a speck—that He created! There are a lot of ways to take the word “fulfillment” and define it, and I can think of different ways to spin it…but for me, it has to be a spiritual thing. Because I don’t think any other fulfillment would be half as real or sweet.

Tell me more about the role faith plays in your life. Growing up, I always went to church with my family - but honestly, that’s just what you did. Church was a routine. That thought occurred to me as I was getting older. It’s something that’s expected of you and not something that everyone is truly invested in. Jaded is not the right word, but it made me take a good look at faith and where it stood in my life…. What can be one of the most harmful things to any religion or faith is when people go through the motions with it. I recognized even when I was little that was never something I wanted to do. I didn’t want to do it because I was “supposed to.” I knew that it was something I wanted to be very serious about. I wanted it to really mean something, and I think my journey has always revolved around that factor. I’m striving every day to live for God and love him the best I can.

How do you apply the advice from Warren Bennis to “enjoy the process of becoming” practically to your everyday life?
It’s so easy to think that life begins “here.” Like when you’re younger, you think that life begins when you’re sixteen and you can drive. Or life begins when I’m 21 and have a lot more freedoms and responsibilities. Or life begins when I graduate college, or when I’m married. We do that too much. I used to apply those same things - like, “I’ll get around to going after my dreams when I’m more mature or older or when I achieve something.” But no, it’s in every little thing!

I’ve learned to appreciate moments more. Life is not one big moment. You could win the Nobel Prize, and winning it isn’t going to be the moment of your life. It’s all the moments that led to that and made you the person who got there. The best moments are when you did what you loved. You’ll miss everything that goes by while you’re waiting to become the best version of yourself. Love who you are now.





I love Kelsey's zeal for leading a full life - it's very contagious. In a conversation so rich in love and depth, it's hard for me to choose exactly what impacts me the most. I think the words that move me the most are the ones that urge us not to go through the motions - not only spiritually, but in every corner of our life. Kelsey is clearly living intentionally in how she worships, how she creates, and most of all, how she loves. And while part of me wonders if it's exhausting to throw your entire self into everything in that manner, another part of me knows that's exactly what leading a fulfilling life demands.

I'm so happy to be back in the swing of conducting these interviews, so if you have any interest in sitting down with me, don't hesitate to fill out the Let's Connect form on the lefthand sidebar, and we'll do just that!


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