Tell me about yourself and what you’re all about.
Hmm.. there is really no short answer to this question and I believe we are in a constant state of change; therefore, we are someone new every single day. Without that, we would be existing, not actually living. I was giving a conscience and a soul to do more than go through the motions of the day. I’m extremely multifaceted and well rounded and am the person who aims to try everything at least once. I see the world through realist and compassionate eyes. My heart was built to genuinely love people, sometimes more than I would like to admit or can control. Many people have described me as being “fire” or “having a fire within” and I embrace that. When theres something I’m passionate about, you won’t stop me from doing what I want/needs to be done. In what setting do you feel the most naturally yourself? Whenever music is around, I feel like myself. I’ve never met anyone else who can describe it like this, but when I’m at a concert, or just have the music blaring in my car, I can physically feel the music. I can feel the bass go along with my heartbeat. It feels like the melody has almost woven itself into the fibers of my body. And if the lyrics actually have more than teenage angst and a meaning behind it, then its mine. Along with that, I don’t know how it has happened or even why, but the children just flock to me. They always have. When I was a child, there would always be a younger kid come up to me at the water park and decide to be my best friend. Since I was very vocal with how I wanted to play and think things were the best (aka totally not bossy), I would keep them around. But even as I have gotten older, I have had more natural connections with children than some adults. They haven’t been hit with the two faced slander of the world yet, if you don’t look good one day, they will tell you. I have mastered the talent of going straight from conversations about my life to talking about the make believe fairies that are in the room. I think this environment will be called “motherhood” when the kids are actually mine, but for right now, its called just being “miss jess”.
Tell me what you learned from working with children.
Children are very straight-forward. The way that they look at you and perceive things and then communicate that back to you, is very simple and humble and innocent. Maybe if as we got older we kept that instead of changing to being two-faced or stabbing each other in the back or slut shaming, we'd be able to keep that innocence as we grew up.
Give me your definition of the word “fulfillment.” What does it mean and what does it look like in your own life?
Fulfillment to me is when you have put your entire being in to something (maybe a project or something creative) and the Lord comes in, takes what you have done, and completes it with an immeasurably more outcome. It is that moment in the middle of this project where you take a second and think , “holy goodness, how did my plan evolve from that to THIS?”
Who are some individuals in your own life or in history that you think have led fulfilling lives?
I don’t have a specific example of this, but I believe that anyone who has had something excruciatingly horrible happen to them and are able to rebuild themselves three times as strong, and change the outcome of someone’s life by being vulnerable, I believe its those people who can be fulfilled with the redemption of Jesus Christ in their life.
Tell me about the role that faith has played in recovering from sexual assault?
Well in the beginning, faith was not a part of it at all. It was almost to blame for it... everyone stereotypically blames God when bad things happen. I kind of blamed God for not letting me be able to process it faster. A lot of the time I thought it had been my fault because I'd been there, I'd lied to my parents about what I'd been doing. It's not my fault, but it was a huge argument between me and God that took a very long time. I've kind of realized over the five years how many people come in and out of my life. That's just the way things are, especially when I'm going from country to country. Really the only thing that's there to help me is the Lord and Holy Spirit. There's this verse that says once you've accepted Christ, you're locked and sealed. Sealed is pretty tight, if you think about it! Now that I've been able to embrace that, I can use that to be stronger. I understand what's inside me now and can tap into it as a resource.
Despite the fact that we're becoming more vocal about rape as a society, I think too many victims are still shamed into silence. Talk to me about finding the courage to start speaking up and sharing your story.
First off, I didn't really know what had happened to me. I thought I had just had sex at sixteen with someone who was not worthy of that. I was not okay with people knowing that, and the people I did tell did not react in a positive way. Our culture, especially in the Baptist world, puts a lot of pressure on saving your virginity and being this perfect little thing. I think a lot of the talk was about "don't do this because it's for later." There was no good description of why in my book. We don't have rules because of the entire gospel, but there are some set rules that are there to keep you safe, and I wish that someone had explained that. Maybe I would have understood it a little better. I think a lot of it has to do with being able to accept the fact that it's not your fault. It's a very thick kind of hurt. You can't easily put some Neosporin on it. It's a deep, nasty, go-to-the-ER kind of wound. And if you don't take care of it in whatever way is good for you, then it will still keep coming back. Our church is doing a series on redemption right now, and the one service I went to about it, I felt like the Lord was pushing me to be able to share. It was completely the Holy Spirit.
In your Daily Beacon article, you talk about cultivating your own, personal brand of strength: Jesstrong. Tell me more about the process of developing this and tell me what your strength looks like.
Basically I knew I wanted to be strong because I felt weak and damaged. What it took was for me to think, "you can be emotionally strong, you can be physically strong." I'm a tiny sliver of a human! I knew that I personally want to have more muscles and to eat what humans were created to eat. All of that effects your brain. With trauma, you have a lot of brain fog. Your brain is plastic, and when trauma and chronic stress happen, it kills the receptors in your brain and shrinks your brain. However, it can actually grow. Those receptors can actually be fixed. By eating healthy foods and being in loving relationships, I hoped to be able to not be so scared about talking about what happened or be able to finish my sentences or not completely shut down. That was just the beginning of beginning to cultivate what I think it would take to grow from this experience.
What would you say to a survivor of sexual assault who is still wrestling with his/her experience?
I'd apologize. Nothing about it is your fault at all. You can pick and choose a bunch of different points of why it could be, but in the grand scheme of things, you did nothing to deserve it. As for the healing, it's going to be a bitch. Trauma does so much to your brain. Once I realized how trauma effects your brain, I was able to look back and see why I changed the way I did. Not that the change was bad, it was just adaptive. For the healing, I think the Lord is a huge part of it. I can't tell each person how to heal themselves because every person is different, every story is different, every situation is different. But I would say that everyone is entitled to their own feelings and their own way of processing. Your healing process will look completely different than the next person's, but you go through and figure it out.
I can’t express enough how brave Jess is. It takes remarkable strength to be this vulnerable in any circumstance, but even more so to do it on such a public level. I recently read “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown, a psychologist who specializes in shame. Her research shows that the best way to combat shame is actually done through sharing, through vocalizing and letting others alleviate the burden by listening. Of course, it’s easier said than done when it comes to things that make us feel helpless, right? I am absolutely passionate about listening because it’s an act of love, but even more so about amplifying those who have something important to say. We are the stories that we tell each other and ourselves. Let me help tell yours.
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